.Going public.

TheStruggleIsPartOfTheStory

 

Friends.. friends are special. Few days ago a friend of mine send me an email asking me to post more on this blog because she enjoys a lot reading it. It was my sunshine in a dark moment..

So I decide to post, finally!, but more.. to share with you a little piece of my story to understand my struggle. 🙂

I’m not used to share my personal life on social networks, so.. it won’t be easy for me to do it. But, I mean, each of us as their personal struggles and stories, so I know it can’t be bad.

Few months ago an important person in my life left me for someone else. It wasn’t the first time and it won’t be the last, and I don’t know what was different this time, but it affected me more than the others.

I thought it was ok, that I was ok.

The firsts two weeks were fine.. my motto is “Everything happens for a reason”. I took the best that he could give me and I gave him the best I could when we were dating, knowing that we weren’t in love and so soon or later it will end. And then it happened.. and so I thought “ok, let’s take the best also from this experience”.

But then, after two weeks, I’ve found myself crying suddenly and for no reason. I’ve started to avoid people, emails, texts from friends (also from the best ones), I needed to spend time by myself.

I tried to accept and at the same time to fight with a feeling, a thought, that I have inside from a long time: the others are better than me.

What happened with him made me re-experience a situation that I’ve lived over and over since I was a child. When he left me I felt abandoned. But the worst thing to deal with was that it was for someone else.

It took out all the bad thoughts I have about myself: I’m not good enough, or beautiful enough, or smart enough, or enough fun, or all the enough-things someone can be to be liked from someone else, to fall in love with or, at least, not to leave her/him from one day to an other.

In the past weeks I spent my time on my own, but this time it was different.. with the time it became demotivation. Demotivation for the city where I live that it’s definitely not my place in this world, demotivation to go out, or to create, to post, to share, to be positive.

If I do nothing.. nothing can hurt me. If I lock myself in my room not going out, spending time with people I can’t meet anyone else who can hurt me again. But that’s not life.

My friend’s email, three days spent far from here, date an other wrong guy and feel perfect with an other one that I can’t have a future with, be back to reality and the weight I’m trying to loose but it seems stuck there ;(,… made me finally cry again!

Of course, it didn’t change the situations I have, or the thoughts about myself.. but after that I feel much more lighter. I cleaned a part of the messy I have inside.

I don’t promise to post every day.. 🙂 But have someone who supports me and, most, who looks forward to read my posts.. is priceless! ♥

Support.. comments.. ideas.. are the best part of this blog for me.

Please, feel free to share your own story too.

 

 

 

 

Questo post non verrà tradotto in italiano. Almeno per oggi 😛

(devo usciree!!)

 

 

 

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